Now I Know

I'm not sure if it was the lack of sleep or the extreme length of time that it took us to get Baby B, but in the first few weeks of having him, it felt surreal. I mean, to the point that I would look at him and think, "Whose baby is that?" He didn't feel like my baby. I guess it could even have been the fact that newborns don't do much except sleep and eat. They don't really show affection or recognition or emotion at all. They really could be anyone's baby, and they don't know you from Adam.

All that has changed recently, though. Baby B is finally my baby. He laughs when I tickle his face with my hair. He stops crying when I pick him up and comfort him. We know each other...and I love watching him grow. At times, I pick him up from the changing table, where he has been making faces at me and telling me jokes (I imagine), and I just hold him. I wrap my arms all the way around him, nuzzle his fuzzy little head, and tell him how much I love him. We have bonded.

Success!

One of the things thtat my mom was really good at over the last few weeks was making me do things that I didn't want to do. Blaine and I had gotten into a rut of staying home or running just one errand...quickly. But grandmas have been there and done that, and they know how to push new moms into using that stroller that's in the corner, taking a whole day out, etc.

I had been avoiding tummy time because Blaine seemed to hate it. I'd put him on his belly and he'd scream within a few minutes. (When I say" minutes", I mean seconds.) Nonni, on the other hand, had this brilliant idea to let him play on his back and then slowly roll him over. It worked! Blaine somehow kept his head up (as opposed to smashing his face into the ground) for longer. Now we're on a regular schedule of two tummy times a day. It only lasts a few minutes, but he seems to be getting the hang of it...slowly. Way to go, Nonni, way to go.

Post-Baby Fun

On Sunday, I participated in my first post-baby event. For Father's Day, I asked my step-dad to participate in a mountain bike race  in Salida. I've never done one, but thought it would be something fun we could do together. (I'm all about gifting "experiences" rather than gifts this year.) He is an experienced rider and leant me his awesome Gary Fisher bike for the day. I wasn't convinced that I'd need it, considering we were entering the 'beginner' division.

The race was intense! It was six miles long, and at least half of that was uphill work. I've been biking every other day for the last few weeks, and was so glad that I have! It was a tough uphill climb to the (near) top of Tenderfoot mountain, and then some tricky single-track. I haven't done any serious downhill for a long time, and I must admit that I am seriously out of practice. But, I made it down in one piece and had a wonderful day.

At the end of the day, I didn't know which to be prouder of: my medal, or my very well-behaved and happy baby boy, who braved his first FIBArk ever! He rode around in the stroller with his Nonni and withstood the warm weather. He only finally got really tired and cranky at about 4:00 in the afternoon. He's a good little cheerleader.

It Was a Good, Good Day

Don't you love those days where you wind down at the end and think, "Man, this day felt long and full of fun stuff"? Today was one of those days. It has been so wonderful having my mom ('Nonni' to anyone under the age of one) here lately. She's hanging out with us until next week, and then she has to return to California.

She has been such a big help. As any mom knows, just 15 minutes of "me" time during the day is valuable, and Mom has been giving Ben and I plenty of time to do what we need to get done. Ben worked in the garden today, I finished up the Writing Contest anthologies, and we both got to visit with some old friends. (We had a picnic in the park and Blaine was awesome. No crying, no whining, and no fussing whatsoever.) Blaine loves his Nonni and has been so perfect during the day. (We won't go over how many times we're still waking up at night.)

Having an extra hand around the house is invaluable. I can understand why rich people hire a full-time nanny. Lucky for me, a Nonni is like a nanny...except she has to go back home soon.

Good Baby

Man, we have this schedule down! For the past few weeks now, I have been using the advice that I found in 'Secrets of the Baby Whisperer' to help me with two very important goals:

1. Not breastfeeding every 45 minutes.
2. Getting Blaine to nap routinely.

I am seriously going to buy a copy of that book for every pregnant woman I know! After learning how to read his cues and "listen" to him, Blaine and I have been on much better terms. I know that there is a lot of controversy regarding putting babies on a schedule, but here's what worked for me:

I strive for a "sleep, eat, play" routine. This way, Blaine is alert and hungry when I feed him, which leads to much more productive feedings. He gets more (because he doesn't fall asleep) and I don't become so sore that I have to go back to using the plastic shields again. (Finally weaned off of those, thank goodness.) The other bonus is that the little guy is getting three to four good naps a day, and he is much happier during his 90+ minutes of awake-time in between. I don't time his feedings or his naps, but he naturally fell into a fairly consistant schedule... he stays awake for about and hour and a half, has a nap (anywhere from 30-90 minutess), and then wakes up and eats. It is awesome to enjoy him more, and I can tell that he is a lot happier, too. Thank goodness, because life is beginning to pick up...

This week, we have a lot of company. Auntie Amber came down from Denver to visit, which was awesome. She brought presents and taught Blaine how to have "dance time." We also went to the famer's market for teh first time (see giant Bavarian pretzel, above). We love Auntie Amber...she is wonderful. Now, Nonni is here from California and is already showering him with attention and gifts.

A Hard Day's Night

A great day does not a happy nightime make...

Oh, last night. I do not wish to repeat you. Don’t get me wrong – day was wonderful! We had a nice morning, took a walk by the river, and generally got on with the business of being a family. And then…nighttime arrived.

Blaine refuses to fall asleep at night to anything but prolonged, tedious nursing, which is frustrating for me. After "falling asleep" from 8:00 until 9:00, he slept until about 12:30, and then decided that he did not like being put in his bassinet at all. He slept so lightly that he woke up every time I put him in there, and then refused to fall asleep again. I was up at least once almost every hour after that. I’m not going to lie – there was a moment of irritation that went beyond just frowning. I had to walk into the kitchen and hit the counter a few times. I think that was at about 2:45 a.m. It didn’t get much better from there. Blaine kicked and sulked and generally tossed around all night long. When it was finally time to get up at 6:30 to go for my walk, I was tempted to give up and not go. But – it’s my only out for the day, so I managed to do it. Plus, I just couldn't say "no" to Syd and Nuts - they love their walk so much.

I can’t wait for the day (even though all the baby books say that day should be now) that he can sleep for more than three hours at a time. Five hours? That would be bliss! I’ll take it! Nevertheless, I can see that we are making strides every week, and it’s good…
Can I just say that Blaine is napping so well and so routinely during the day lately that I actually got to take a shower this morning? It was lightning-fast and nerve-wracking, but I did it! I even managed to shave my legs…

Learning Overload

Baby B has been working on grabbing things, a skill which he has to master by 4 months in order to be considered "normal". Whatever.

But he has made some great strides lately. Only a few days ago did he really discover that he had hands, and now he's slowly starting to use them to touch and grab things. (Especially now that the mittens are off 90% of the time.) It is absolutely amazing to watch him work things out in his tiny mind. I can almost hear him say:

"Alright, hands, the ring in the middle is the lion. Let's shoot for that one first."

And then he hits the blue one.

There was so much learning today, that he finally fell asleep for a nap (a la yesterday) in his swing. Joy!

Sorry, Pups.

Oh boy, the dogs aren't happy. For the first time in their little dog lives, I have banished them to the back yard for the next hour or so. Why? Because I finally, finally, finally got little Buddy down for a nap. One bark could undo my dilligent rocking...and I can't have that.

Poor pups. The time of taking a backseat to the babe has finally come. Don't worry, though, it's a beautiful day today and there are plenty of squirrels and birds that need chasing in the back yard.

Success #8: Got baby to sleep without the use of nursing, a pacifier, or walking around bouncing him. Hooray for small victories!

In case you wanted to know, these are the other victories I've accomplished:

#1: Baby sleeps in our bed, not on my chest.
#2: Baby goes to sleep immediately after nursing at night. 
#3: Baby sleeps in bassinet after nursing.
#4: Baby takes a bottle from Daddy.
#5: Baby likes the front pack carrier thingee.
#6: Baby doesn't cry when taking a bath.
#7: I make part of dinner while Baby watches in his chair. (See below.)

Love this chair! Hi Auntie Katie!

It is important to remember that, although things seem tough, they are getting better. I am working on a few things (training him to nap in his bassinet, not "snacking", etc.), but he has already learned so much, and I am thankful for those.

Who wrote the book on babies?

As it turns out, a lot of people wrote "the" book on babies.

My baby is a fussy little guy, as I've come to know. No, he's not sleeping more than 3 hours at a time at night. No, he doesn't like to be left alone to put himself to sleep. No, he doesn't nap for more than about 20 minutes at a time...on my shoulder. He seems to be what they call a "high-needs" baby. But he's mine and, of course, I love him.

When it comes to getting help with these things, though, there are a million different opinions. I love Grace's blog over at Camp Patton, and she had a guest who wrote a testimonial for the book "The Baby Whisperer". You can read it on the Fountains of Home blog. She says that it saved her life.

So I checked it out at the library. I also checked out "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding", which is put out by the La Leche League. (I think that they are of the "Attachment Parenting" breed that is getting so much attention these days.) In any case, they are at odds with one another. To put baby on a schedule or not to put baby on a schedule? Teach them to nap or let them nap when they want? Sigh. There is so much to learn...and so many people to learn it from.

Fussy or not, he's as cute as can be.

I Can't Count

Today Baby B is 8 weeks old, which to me, is two months. But I guess if you count "months" by the same day that he was born on, he still has four days to go. Sheesh. Now I know why people always answered in weeks when you ask how old their babies are. (That always annoyed me. Why don't they just say 'two months' or ' a year and a half'? Now I know.)

Motherhood is like this crazy secret club that you can't possibly join and learn about until the very moment you have a kid.

In any case, here is a fun collage of B's facial expressions at about two months old. His favorite toy right now (i.e. the only one he can play with because he can't really grab things yet or play with anything that is hard) is his knit snake from Linnea. It rattles...so if he grows up and grabs a live rattlesnake, I will consider this a bad idea.

The Sleep Dilema

Now that Blaine is sleeping at regular intervals during the night (he routinely wakes up at 12:45 and 4:00 a.m. - how does he know???), the next step in the process is to get him to sleep in his bassinet. He currently sleeps next to me in bed. I know, not the best option, but the only one that we've found to work so far.

Yesterday, I was able to get him to sleep in his bassinet for a few minutes...about 20, which was a miracle! Now, the dilema during the day and night is: allow him to sleep longer where he is comfortable (usually in my arms), or put him in the bassinet, where he will inevitably wake up after a quick 10 minutes? I know that a "good mama" would forsake her own sleep and do what is safest and best for baby, but dang, I love my extra 15 minutes of sleep / rest / sitting down without a baby in my arms.

Sigh. This baby business is tough stuff. But so worth it when you get to see things like this:

Sleep, little one...

Getting Baby B to sleep is a tough task...but I think we're winning the battle. (Not necessarily the war, mind you.) Last night, he slept for one stretch of 3.5 hours, and then another for 2.5. It was sweet bliss. No waking up every 1.5 hours to nurse and then cry! He seems to be getting used to sleeping on his back instead of on my chest the whole night.

I guess it really is hard being a baby. The world is so new and confusing...and oftentimes uncomfortable. I am so amazed at how Blaine is changing and adapting to his new environment. He is becoming a wonderful little human being.

Here's how much he enjoyed our walk yesterday:

He slept. Believe me, that's the best-case scenario at this point. Option 'B' is: screaming.

Steppin' out with my baby...

Baby B and I made it all the way to the library today, where I picked up a copy of The Happiest Baby on the Block, a manual for getting infants to sleep longer and sounder. I'm currently on page 30 (nursing offers plenty of good reading time), and have learned a few things already. I still don't think we'll get Blaine to sleep 4-hour stretches on his back, though. Last night I gave up after feeding him at 10:00, 11:45, 1:00, and 3:00 a.m. (Keep in mind that he usually nurses for 45 minutes, so it's not that long of a stretch in between.) I put him on my chest and we slept for 3 blissfull hours together on the couch. One step forward, two steps back, I guess...

...and he is sleeping like crazy today. Even in the swing - which is unheard of since week 2. In any case, he is starting to smile more, and I tried to capture the expression as he was on his changing table. I didn't get a genuine smile, but I did get this:

Enjoy, Auntie Katie!

Success!

Okay, first of all, I'm not sure how anyone with a newborn baby manages to get all dolled up and keep up appearances. Yesterday, I managed to take a shower, get dressed in normal clothes, and... that was it. My hair was a mess, my makeup was non-existant, and I'm pretty sure my shoes didn't match. But I did go outside!

Blaine, on the other hand, is managing to look cuter every day. He is just shy of one month old today, and making some great strides toward reaching weight benchmarks and sleeping like a normal human. My biggest concern lately has been his inability to sleep anywhere but my chest at night, which is not the safest (let alone most comfortable) option. But, we have managed to get him (thanks to a tip on the internet that you warm the little spot on the bed with a heating pad before you lay him down) to sleep on his back in between us in bed for the last two nights. He will only sleep for 2-hour stretches before he wakes himself up, but at least he's not face down on my chest. Hopefully he will become more comfortable sleeping there and will sleep for longer stretches.

Next step - the bassinet! That may just take another month...

Blaine is confused: Why can't he nurse every hour on the hour?

Daddy Watches Blaine...

I got to go out to lunch with a friend today, which was wonderful. I got dressed up like a normal human and everything! Since Ben was home, he watched Blaine for me (after a nice long nursing session).

Here's Blaine's reaction to the day:

Check Me Out

If a picture is worth a thousand words, a video is worth a novel. Here is your daily Blaine:

Worst-Case Scenario

Baby B and I have been diligently working at nursing - which is NOT as easy as you'd think it is. As it turns out, Blaine is what they call a "chomper". I'll leave that to your imagination. I have two very sore body parts. The amazingly kind Lactation Consultant at Blaine's pediatrician's office said I have "one of the worst cases that (she's) seen in a long time." Awesome. I'm always an over-achiever.

So, not only did he have a doctor's appointment today, but Blaine also has an appointment with a pediatric chiropractor to help loosen up his jaw a bit. (Traumatic births, including c-sections, can cause serious tension in a newborn's body.)

It has been a rough couple of days for Blaine and I, but we are committed to trying to keep on the breastfeeding. I know that it's so much better (not to mention cheaper!) for him. So, if I have been out of conact for a while, please know it's not because I've fallen off the face of the earth, I've just been in constant pain for the last six days and haven't been able to communicate clearly.

But here's your adorable picture of the day...which makes me sure that it's all worth it in the end.

This is his, "Time to eat, Mom!" look.

Day to Day

Wow. There is just so much that you learn in the first days of motherhood! It's like zero to sixty in thirty seconds. (Actually, it's like zero to 120 - so fast that you can't even take it all in.)

Today my dad left to go home to CA, and I will miss his reassuring and tender help. Last night, he stayed up with little Buddy for hours while I went to sleep. (We're having a hard time getting Blaine to sleep anywhere but in someone's arms at night. During the day he'll sleep anywhere!) It was the best gift I've ever been given, and I appreciated it so much.

Brad also left to go do "man stuff", and left Mom with me. Brad was such a wonderful help, too, and I can't imagine how Ben and I could have managed without him.

Now it's just me, Mom, the dogs, and Blaine to hold down the fort. Ben is back at work now, but checks in on us from time to time. I know he misses being with us.

Here's your daily Baby Blaine photo. Don't mind the pink on his cheeks - he has a tendancy to whack himself in the face when he's good and ready to eat.

Blaine is three days old today. Since his first couple of days on Earth were pretty challenging (a run-in with Pitosin, sixteen hours of contracions, a rushed surgery, 24-hour-a-day monitoring, and multiple tests), he is pretty sleepy. Between feedings, he sleeps heavily. At night, Mommy lets Daddy get a few hours of sleep (he has to go back to work on Monday) and stays up in the living room to feed and keep him company. The c-section makes sleeping in / getting up from bed a bit difficult, so the couch is a nice compromise. (Let it be known that there is nothing on TV at 2:00 in the morning, by the way.). 

Blaine Westley Sack: The Cutest Baby Ever

This is the moment that Ben and I have been waiting for for the last four years. All the heartache, the disappointments, the hopes and the prayers...have lead to this day: the most wonderful day of our lives.

On March 14th at 5:52 p.m., our baby boy was born via c-section. His first cries were the most beautiful sounds that we had ever heard. Right now, he is being showered with love by grandmas and grandpas, and learning how to be a good little human. He is a natural at nursing and is sleeping wonderfully.

I will write more about his birth story (it's a long one) in a few days, but for now just know that it was long and interesting...and I am not as brave / strong as I think I am. But I am a sucker for this baby boy...and would have done anything to get him out safely.

Please welcome Blaine Westley Sack to the world. 'Blaine' means "the river's beginning", and we figured it was appropriate for his life story. Mommy and Daddy met on the river, and Blaine's life begins with the story of our love. 'Westley' means "western meadow", which is similar to Mommy's name - Ashlee - which means "ash tree meadow". It also reminds us of where we live, come from, and play (the great West).

Get ready for a barrage of pictures as soon as I'm home!